Swimming Against the Current
I found out three things over the weekend; 1) Mango and Bacardi goes well, 2) I can hold alcohol well, 3) There must be an alcoholic gene - I’ve been craving alcohol since Thursday morning.
It was my exam results -I could repeat but what guarantee would I get that my grades would improve drasticly - i.e. scholarship kinda grades? Certainly, I’m confident in myself, but what security is that?
For the longest time, I wanted to study overseas - get away from the family. And I found out deep down inside I really want to do economics or political science, or better yet, both. That’s where my interest lies. But the more I think about it, the more unrealistic it sounds.
What am I suppose to do? It’s a family thing for the men to do one of these options: law, engineering, medicine (pharmacy and dentistry don’t count buddy boy), and most recently, accountancy. Becoming an academic or an economist? It’s too much of a culture shock for them. Those who strayed from this hallowed paths to professional careers stray not too far (bioengineering, for example) that find their career choice with a family stamp of approval, or strayed too far (like being a millionaire before 30 from operating a bus fleet) that would subsequently be looked down by the rest of the family.
It’s difficult to guess which is straying too near and which is too far - my cousin did management and his parents prefer to talk about his austitics brother.
These jobs are safe, they are respected - if you find yourself prefering to do something else from advertising to zoology, oh well, you’re on your own. So not only I’m swimming against that, I’m swimming against my financial situation.
My parents are deep in the red, my father wants me to look no further than our local universities (nevermind the obvious handicap studying either economics or political science - you can’t be taught against government policies except with written permission from the Ministry). With my paltry grades, what scholarship do I hope to get? If I get into a Singaporean university or Chulalongkorn in Thailand, how am I going to pay for it?
It’s just downright frustrating - though matter how hard I try, I just can’t change my circumstances. I just can’t do something that has a high chance of giving me vocation and satisfaction, something that is matches my passions and interests.
I’m strongly thinking just to give up and go with the flow.
Perhaps my family doesn’t have the alcoholic gene. Perhaps it is the circumstances this family inflicted upon itself.