Sympathy Has Its Limits
There is this girl with this rare cancerous condition. Tumours somewhere in her skull currently made her completely deaf. That’s part of the story. Yesterday at cell group, sometime through the ice breaker, she complained her right (or left, can’t remember) eye is hurting because after a tumour operation, her tear ducts doesn’t work - thus the fan (i.e. wind) is hurting her eye. We switched it off.
However, from the worship session - where almost everyone else were fanning themselves occasionally with their song sheets. The air conditioner can only do so much with a small room with 12 people. So we asked her if it’s okay to switch on the fan - we gave her eye drops and a cap. After that she didn’t complain.
Come today, I notice on her blog that she complained about our lack of kindness and understanding. But not once after the fan was switched on she complained to us - we can’t read minds. Especially when it comes to her, where she is the kind that makes her needs and wants very well known. What I am amaze is at the gale complaining that we weren’t acting as true friends.
I mean, cell groups depend very much on hearing communication - but we bend outselfs backwards - a lot - just to accomodate her. Our games must be deaf-friendly, our worship sessions, which she can’t participate, cut down significantly, discussions slower and shorter. Now, the cell leader is heavily considering splitting the cell group to accomodate her - a smaller cell group probably would treat her better.
And I’ve known her for years, long before that said tumour operation. She had that operation *years* ago, not once did she complain about her eyes. What more the rest of the cell group, whose relationship with her is much more newer? None of us can imagine what is it like to have no tears at all, what are we supposed to do? Read her mind?
The way she complained portray us, the cell group, as a bunch of insensitive goons that did absolutely nothing to accomodate her.
But the one most insensitive is her. For example, though deaf for almost a year, she have not learnt but a few words in sign language (I, who have perfect hearing, know more words in sign language than her) hoping that an expensive procedure she not yet can afford would make it moot. Instead of using her intellectual capacity to improve her communicative abilities as a deaf person instead of using a writing pad an a pen, she’s in college on a sympathy-scholarship, she writes newspaper articles and a book, etc.
And yet she insist on participating in social activities that does not actually accomodate the hearing impared - like church. But it is not to say it’s her fault completely - there is this one girl who coax her into coming to church, to cell group, to church member parties, etc.. Yet while there, she rarely bothers with her, making the rest feel obligated to give her company (my pastor’s Christmas party, for example, I spent all night making written small talk with her. Since that, I avoided her like a plague).
The most frequent greeting she gives me at such events is “Can you send [insert deaf girl name here] back?” She just want to have that nice feeling, “Oh, I’m helping her”, giving herself a political correctness boost, while refusing to go an inch out of her way to accomodate her.