My cousin got married in the beginning of this month. Heh, it is one of those times you realize how crappy and good certain sections of the vast extended family I have (I have almost 50 cousins - we breed a lot). Since it is my cousin brother and tradition entails that the bride side is to prepare for the wedding (and cover the cost) - and this is when I realize how far and wide the tentacles of the *bleep* family reaches (and that cousin brother is only maternally related; we spread far).
I spent the first day of Chinese New Year putting up decorations at the house which only be seen by close family and friends - no, just family and that photographer. The boss was my uncle who did one wedding right some 20 years prior to my birth (though that’s hearsay) and since sought to dominate every wedding decoration as he could. Nevermind that a blindfolded monkey could make better decissions.
No, just decisions. Afterall, all he does is sit around and boss around, passing really gross insults (stuff you don’t want to hear from the mouth of a 50-y.o. obese Indian). Some of the orders of course went dead against the wishes of the bridegroom who spent his savings on renovating the house he inherited - 1) no nails (he just “hair line” nails to nail into the plaster) 2) no adhesive tape (paint peeled off because on CNY he couldn’t wait for the next day to buy another adhesive - blu-tag - that would do better) 3) no excessive decorations (his original plan is to shock guests, inducing them into spastic spasm with walls covered with bright red and orange, the groom’s was to leave them to admire the expensive interior my uncle help ruin) 4) and a colour scheme of dark marroon and subtle gold (not blood red and hot orange).
Oh, the fireworks.
Nevermind missing out on a lot of ang pow collecting; I was charged with putting up and taking down decorations and putting them up again and taking them down (repeat 5-6 times). And on the first day of ceremony itself, everything changed. Those were not the only absurdities. On the first day itself - the gold melting ceremony - we have to be there at 5:00. My brothers and I protested. We compromise on 8:00am; any later would be insulting the family (which I wouldn’t mind because they would insult us by expecting us to take part in Hindu rites, claiming all religions are the same though most of them refused to enter a church and my father was kicked out for a few years for becoming a Christian).
But on the wedding (6th day of Chinese New Year) itself, the requirement was to be there at 5:00am sharp. No but’s, no excuses. Dutifully, there are 5:00 (after some three hours of sleep) to do the all important task of standing around until 7:30am when the groom leaves for the wedding hall (why the rest of us can’t go there straight at a more reasonable 7:30am?)
You see, they married on peak season. And believe it or not, it was a working Friday. Why? Indian astrology is more important than common sense; they couldn’t wait any longer because we all suspect our grandmother - busy shouting and scolding random grandchildren on the special day - might just croak.
But in many ways, it was quite fun. For example, my cousin and aunt from England drop by (WHY? They had an excuse not to come!) and being the only unemployed, non-student bum, I spent a lot of time. I had a lot of fun with cousins I lost touch with over the years.
It was fun, with the cousins and all. But if I ever do get married, I’m going to elope.