Self-Perception
Throughout schooling life, especially in Secondary School, I have a low self-perception, a low self-esteem and I was just plain bored in school. I didn’t apply myself, I didn’t think I was smart. Only at the tail end of last year I realize how much I had going for me. One week of studying fetch me a grade of 2.17 out of 4.0 (3.6ish if Maths wasn’t included). In Economics and Accountancy, I was in the top-5.
And Accountancy was the only subject I applied myself. It’s because I knew how to. I am very interested in business, so when it came to costing accountancy, I just applied whatever I’ve learned into my business plans I created to amuse myself.
Maths, however, was a sticking point. But it was merely two weeks before my final examination where all of my grade comes from did I learn that 1) I can do Maths and do it very well, 2) Maths is easy, 3) I just had to find my own way in learning Maths. Two weeks wasn’t a very long time to learn a subject.
So I wanted to take A-Levels, which is similar to the examination I took in syllabus and different only in examination style. I thought I could do what I couldn’t do in 2 weeks. I was dreaming of the Ivies, Oxbridge, etc. that I forgot to look up the price of doing A-Levels. RM2,400.
That’s a lot of money. That’s 27% of my father’s monthly pay check. Sure, I could think positively that I could get that money. Put that aside for awhile - look at this from a very business point of view: how much returns would I get from this investment? Very, very little. How risky is it? Very, very risky - I could get straight A’s like tens of thousands but still be rejected from UPenn.
Why do I want that kind of elite education? What is it that I would learn that I can’t learn at some third-rate mediocre institution passing off as a university, especially when I don’t plan to be an employee for long? Too little to justify risking such a huge sum of money. Deep down inside, all I wanted was bragging rights - London School of Economics sound a whole lot more better than Kolej Universiti Sains dan Teknologi Malaysia.
I asked myself, which I would rather hear myself say, “Oh, I’m going to Connecticut to finalize some multi-million dollar investments, sorry I can’t make it to your son’s wedding,” than “Oh, I’m going off to Connecticut to study in Yale, sorry I can’t make it to your wedding”. I’ll pick the prior.
My self-perception have changed a lot and my self-esteem have skyrocketed. I’m sure if I started applying myself (and learning how to do that), I could get into those schools. But I didn’t. I could repeat high school or I can move on.
I’m moving on.