Wedding bells
I have a love-hate relationship with weddings. I love weddings - I even planned mine down to the detail. But then again, having two weddings in church in the space of a week, its kinda some sort of nagging, unwanted reminder that it most likely wouldn’t be possible for me. Honestly, I have never dated. My standard excuse is that I’m 1) broke, 2) prefer courtship than dating, and 3) haven’t found the right girl that’s available. Only the first is right… heh.
Quite the rarity amongst us closeters, I never tried dating simply because I don’t want to lead anyone on. Never tried dating men, mainly it is because even Malaysia’s biggest city with a metropolitan population on the upwards of 4 million seems like a small town. Don’t want to be in a (sinful, I must add) intimate dinner only to be interrupted by a horrified aunty, now do I? Anonymous sex is “good” in the sense is that if I ever did meet someone in [insert cruising place here], he’s gay. And cause I don’t know anyone openly gay, it means he would be in the closet too. Risk of exposure would be near nil.
Anyway, getting back to the topic of marriages, the book Coming out of Homosexuality, in the chapter “Getting Ready for Marriage”, has the answer to the following… oh, how I wish was a fact: “Myth 1: Marriage would automactically reduce (or eleminate) homosexual temptation.”
Sadly, the book says no. “This expectation is based on the false idea that homosexual temptations are strictly a physical phenomenon, but having a sexual outlet does not mean you won’t get tempted. For one thing, much of the dynamic of homosexuality is emotionally based. A wife can be emotionally vulnerable to another woman while her husband is standing in the same room, just as easily as when he is away for two weeks on a business trip. A husband can just as easily experience a same-sex temptation one hour after making love to his wife as he can five days later.”
So, if I read right, you never rid yourself of same-sex attractions, just learn how to deal with what causing it.