I’m stuck at this point
I don’t feel like moving forward - forgiving my parents, talking to my father, the likes. Heck, even praying or reading the Bible. Yet whenever I imagine myself in the future - still having same-sex attractions - I find myself having that choking reflects. I couldn’t imagine myself having a happy life being gay. Yet I can’t commit myself to God’s Lordship. I mean, I don’t even let my mother choose my clothes, I want God to choose my life?
Yet on one hand I keep on imagining the short-term gay lifestyle - I’m thinking dating some men, perhaps less anonymous sex… yet whenever I force my mind to think of the long-term prospects, I don’t want that life. Yeah, I would love to start a family. But the reason why all these years I never dated is because I don’t want to lead any girl on when I’m not attracted to her - what more getting married with one of them? Though right now I guess I would be pretty happy living a celibate lifestyle, I wonder if that’s got to do with my refusal to deal with my deep-seated issues.
I should get myself comfortable, it would seem I would be stuck at this point for a long time to come… knowing myself.
P.S. God, invent that pill you pop in and viola, you’re straight! I’ll help do the marketing. Just 10% profit, its all I ask.
Hi there. I was told to stop in a say hello, so I am. I read through a few of your posts and my heart goes out to you.
Personally I am of the opinion that it is not a sin to be gay and for what that’s worth I really hope you don’t beat yourself up about your attractions too much.
Everyone has different attractions and different levels of attractions, so if you don’t see yourself with a man in the years to come that’s cool. But I’m curious, if you aren’t attracted to women (right now), when you say you’d love to star a family, what exactly DO you picture? That question is mostly retoricle.
I’d think annoymous sex would be wise to stay away from in general. I’d say what ever you want to “defeat” in your life, don’t pray to God to take it away or even help you over come it. Admit that it’s there to God and yourself, but don’t give it anymore attention, rather take that focus onto God and worship and serving and all that good stuff. That’s my $0.02 anyway.
Good luck, I’ll be praying for ya.
Comment by Keith — 31 August, 2005 @ 7:24 am
Keith, thanks for your opinion but no thanks. I have read far more pro-gay literature than the ex-gay one, was… still is, actually, a regular reader of XGW - my point is that I’ve made up my mind by my own.
Thanks for stopping by.
Comment by Rex — 31 August, 2005 @ 8:36 am
In the words of our family therapist….”basically, your life sucks”. I say this to you in the same loving spirit it’s been said to me.
This would be followed by something like…So…how’s the “I don’t feel like moving forward” workin’ for ya??
You’re in my prayers!
in Christ,
grace
Comment by grace — 31 August, 2005 @ 10:44 am